4:00am - I feel hungover and all I really want is coffee. Why can't I have coffee? Teenagers up all night. Loud. Kitchen mess. Tornado? No. Teenagers. Chocolate chip muffins everywhere. Pancake batter. No coffee. Why can't I have coffee?
6:00am - I drink my Mineralized water and take my Optimize pills. Still no coffee. I want to reach into the television and punch the kid on the Honey Nut Cheerios commercial in the face. I can't eat for another thirty minutes. I may be dying.
6:15am - I am not yet feeling compelled to stand on my front porch with my arms in the air praising the heavens for this beautiful life I've been given. Still no coffee.
6:30am - Shakeology. I run the blender as long and loud as possible...just because.
7:00am - Tai Cheng. It's a somewhat startling, but relaxing change from Chalene Johnson yelling at me to go hard or go home (which is odd because she must know that I AM home when doing these programs). Feeling a little light, but not really in a bad way. I would like some coffee, though.
9:00am - Feeling less inclined to hurt someone. Still wanting coffee.
10:00am - Children awake. Cooking more pancakes. Eggs. Bacon. Hot Pockets. I want to punch them all in their faces. I don't even like Hot Pockets. They're gross, but I want to snatch one out of their greedy little hands and inhale it. Still no coffee. All I really want is coffee. They can keep the Hot Pockets if I can just have come coffee.
11:00am - I Mineralize and Optimize again. Then I wait. Still no coffee.
11:30am - Thank goodness for lunch. I love lunch. Lunch is, like, the BEST. THING. EVER. Scrambled eggs, steamed kale, and 1 slice of whole-grain toast. No salt. No butter. Just plain eggs, kale, and toast. And it is freakin delicious.
2:30pm - Time to Mineralize and Alkalinize. What in heaven's name is this? It's green. It looks like seaweed water. It smells like seaweed water. It tastes...like seaweed water. Oddly enough, though, it's not that bad. Actually, my new-found love of edamame has prepared me for this, because it also smells and tastes very much like the edamame pods. I might just make it through this.
3:00pm - Snack. Best edamame I've ever had. Ever.
5:30pm - Took my last Mineralize, Optimize, and Soothe.
6:00pm - Baked tofu, steamed broccoli, and brown rice. The most delicious bland food ever. It is very much like finishing a half marathon and scarfing down stale wheat bagels covered in peanut butter and telling everyone around you that it's the best meal you've ever had. Ever. Still, a post-meal coffee would be super.
6:30pm - Reading through my Beachbody Ultimate Reset booklet. Just curious what each of these elements is supposed to do for me. Alkalinize helps maintain alkalinity. Sure. Mineralize adds natural minerals needed by the body. Ok. Optimize promotes healthy metabolism and effective body functions. Yep. Body's been functioning quite a bit today.
Then I decide to peruse the Frequently Asked Questions, just to kind of cut to the chase. What happens if I cheat during the Ultimate Reset? No biggie. Just start right back. Cool. Can I drink coffee during the Ultimate Reset? Yes. Wait, WHAT? What the f---????? What in the heck is going on? WHY didn't I read this first???? Dangit!
Ok, so you're not supposed to drink coffee on this program, but you can, in small amounts. And this is what I have learned today. READ thoroughly before jumping into a program. I might have been able to communicate with more humans today if I had done so.
http://www.MyUltimateReset.com/SunShineStrong
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